Every 73 seconds, someone is sexually assaulted in this country. The National Sexual Violence Resource Center and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimate one in five women and one in 26 men will be raped in their lifetime. But almost 70 percent of these crimes will not be reported to police. Why is sexual assault one of the most under-reported crimes?
Sexual assault can be extremely traumatic, and only those who have experienced it can understand the effects. It’s hard for survivors to find the courage to report their assault. When they do, many face negative reactions, such as doubt or blame, which often stops the reporting process.
A negative response can further damage the physical and emotional health of survivors, leading to conditions like post-traumatic stress.
The Start by Believing global public awareness campaign designed by End Violence Against Women International is changing the response to rape and sexual assault in our communities.
As the campaign states: “There is no shame when your loved one dies. When your car is stolen. When you’re diagnosed with cancer. Friends and loved ones gather around you for support. It should be the same with sexual violence. But all too often, survivors who have the courage to tell someone what happened are blamed for bringing it on themselves. A terrifying attack becomes a source of shame, not support. This needs to change.”
Most often, the first person a survivor confides in after an assault is a friend or family member. How you respond can have a lasting impact on their recovery.
Here are some tips for how to respond if your friend tells you they’ve been sexually assaulted:
- “I’m so sorry this happened to you.” It is extremely difficult for survivors of sexual assault to come forward. When they do, make sure to show empathy and respect. Say things like “I’m glad you are sharing this with me.” Avoid any judgment.
- “I believe you.” Many survivors are hesitant to share their story because they worry they will not be believed. They are taking a chance opening up to you, so show them you believe them! Don’t ask “why” questions that sound like you don’t trust their story.
- “I’m here for you.” Many survivors of sexual assault are intensely traumatized. They may cry, have an angry outburst, or be incredibly calm. Let them express their emotions, listen and be unconditionally supportive. Reassure your friend that this doesn’t change the way you see them.
- “It’s not your fault.” More than 80 percent of sexual assault survivors know the person who assaulted them, and many survivors may feel ashamed or blame themselves. Remind your friend that survivors of sexual assault are never to blame! Say things like “You did not ask for this to happen, you trusted this person” and “What happened was not your fault.”
- “Are you open to seeking medical care?” Offer to accompany your friend to get medical attention but make sure they know it’s their decision so they feel in control. If the assault just happened, a medical examination can provide treatment for sexually transmitted diseases, possible pregnancy, and injuries from the assault. Those who access emergency care within seven days of treatment are also eligible for a medical forensic exam to provide evidence to apprehend and prosecute the assailant.
- “You are not alone.” Talk about the many support services available to help survivors of sexual assault recover. Resources like the Rape Crisis Hotline at 888-293-2080 can provide information about local health facilities and the reporting process. Visitors can also chat anonymously.
About one-third of sexual assault survivors do not go on to report it. It doesn’t have to be like this. The goal of Start by Believing is “to change the world, and outcomes for victims, one response at a time.”
If you or someone you know has been sexual assaulted, call the Rape Crisis Hotline at 888-293-2080.
Endeavor Health is committed to healing and providing resources to survivors. Our dedicated SANE nurses (Sexual Assault Nurse Examiners) provide specialized, compassionate care to sexual assault survivors. Their extensive training in trauma care ensures survivors receive the highest level of support during their most vulnerable moments. Our SANE nurses are located at multiple Endeavor Health hospitals throughout Chicagoland. Find SANEs at hospitals across Illinois.
Our Pathways Program, founded at Endeavor Health Swedish Hospital, provides free and confidential crisis intervention to our patients experiencing sexual violence, domestic violence and human trafficking at the hospital and over the phone. We can also connect survivors to local rape crisis centers that provide sexual assault advocacy services.
Additional resources
- IL Domestic Violence Hotline: 877-863-6338 (24 hours, can be used to find emergency shelter)
- Apna Ghar: 773-334-4663 (24 hours)
- Between Friends: 800-603-4957 (24 hours)
- YWCA Evanston/Northshore: 877-718-1868 (24 hours)
- Resilience: 312-443-9603
- Northwest CASA: 888-802-8890
- Pathways at Swedish Hospital: 773-878-8200 (ext. 3373 or 2242), pathways [at] schosp.org (pathways[at]schosp[dot]org)
- Pathways at Evanston Hospital: 847-570-2203
Learn more about the Start by Believing Campaign and get additional resources.
Learn how to reduce your risk of sexual assault.
Get resources to help recover from sexual assault.
Get resources and support for men who have experienced sexual abuse or assault.
